When you choose to stand for “It’s All Good” in your relationship with your mentee, you are orienting yourself to be okay or ‘good’ with whatever happens. This is a place of real responsibility and commitment to the relationship, because you are not allowing your reactions to missed expectations deviate your course! This is a profound gift to others. Why? Well let’s go back to the expectations thing: when my 12 year old explodes with anger towards me about something I had nothing to do with, he is expecting (unconsciously) his anger to fuel a response from me that then warrants his anger or gives him a place to unload it. If I have not prepped myself with ‘It’s All Good’, then he might get what he expects: I will get angry at being blamed and off we go!
Yet if I am standing in a place of ‘It’s All Good’, I am pre-oriented towards allowing him to be however he is being in the moment. He has the ball and he is on the court. I have distanced myself from reacting. Yet what I have not done is distanced myself from him. Quite the opposite: When you can allow your mentee to be angry, hurt, blameful, or even exuberant and joyous, you give them a gift as a coach to play the game of life. You provide a space for the young person to know that it is ok for them to be how they are. And it may be one of the few times anyone has given them that space.
It can be comical how we as humans believe we can control everything that happens. When we are confronted by the fact this is not the case, we change our language. We say, “It should have been this way,” or “This is not the way it is supposed to happen.” When you are a coach and working in the area of helping people transform their lives, being okay with the way things happen gives you the presence to then respond vs. react, and it is in the response that you then have the opportunity to help your mentee interact with the situation, learning from it for the future. Using “It’s All Good” as a place to stand helps us release our death grip on control.